When I found out that I was pregnant with my third child and it was a girl, I just knew it was God’s perfect plan. And the one person I knew who would be excited for me was my grandmother. She was my best friend and someone that always understood. We had a special bond.
While going through all these hormonal changes during pregnancy, like fear and excitement, the last thing on my mind that I would want to deal with is the loss of a loved one. I still remember every detail of when it all happened. It was just about 2 weeks before I was scheduled to give birth, my mom called me to let me know that grandmother was just discharged from the hospital and was home, but it was looking like she wasn’t going to make it past the night. I can’t explain all the thoughts that was rushing in my head, but I do know one thing that was pertinent was
“Why now”
and...
“Why when I was just about to experience one of the happiest moments in my life”
I felt like everything in me was collapsing.
That night my grandmother passed away and I saw her take her last breath. That was one of the most difficult nights of my life and I just wanted to pretend like it wasn’t happening.
It was hard for me to grieve and a part of me was holding back my full emotions over the fear of putting stress on my unborn child. I wasn’t thinking about my mental health and I felt like I couldn’t fully grieve the loss of my grandmother, because of that fear. It just didn’t feel like it was ok for me grieve and unfortunately there are other pregnant women who may think the same.
Here I am 5 months later, writing this because I wanted to tell my story and let you know that it is ok to grieve while pregnant and it’s not okay to hold it in. If you want to cry, cry, if you want to scream, scream. Just let it out, because holding it in will not help.
A few things that has helped me up to this moment has been:
The main priority while pregnant is focusing on your health because neglecting your health can also affect the baby. If there is one thing that you take from this post, let it be that you allow yourself to grieve. You will heal.
Thoughtfully Written by: @ashleyh_b